This makes me laugh. It also reminds me not to get so absorbed in the quest for wellness (whatever that is) that i accidentally die from intense questing. Lately, there have been some precarious moments and balancing life has been a real challenge. It turns out — this is shocking — that starting a new business, no matter how small, is a complete time and energy vacuum. (Hello, Blog, it's been ages.) I have come to understand that marketing is a voracious infinite beastie that will never be sated. There is always another email, phone call, meeting, postcard, website, calendar, facebook post. It is work I love and am proud to undertake, but after two months of living in a house that resembles a barbarian youth hostel, I am weary of running the dirty underwear gauntlet in the hallway and terrified of how many nuggets I have thrown in the oven.
Yesterday in "Yoga for Stress Management," Kristie (my new hero) infused the whole class with the concept of balance. Did she know? Did someone send her an emergency text, "Plz help Emily. She might implode." Or do I have the telltale markings of an unbalanced maniac on my forehead? (That may be rhetorical, depending on your answer.) It seems ludicrous to me to be stressed and imbalanced by working in the wellness world, but it is easier to enable others' external balance than it is to address one's own interior.
So there I am, in yoga. I'm blissing out in a lovely tree pose, breathing, standing, balancing. Balancing! I feel so victorious! Until Kristie suggests we close our eyes, bringing our focus inward, and the house of cards that is my carefully arranged body collapsed without hesitation. The serious peace I was feeling gave way to a fit of self-aware giggles. There's always more work to do.
But rather than judge myself, I laughed and tried again. And fell. Again. But we were all falling, and giggling, and practicing the fine art of acceptance. Balancing peace and struggle, serious work and serious laughter, focused intention and ignorant bliss... I am starting to see that the best solution is just to let go of some crazy notion about what I "should" be achieving and enjoy the moment. As long as I breathe and find the joy in it, then it is worth doing.
In that spirit of balance and acceptance, I breathed beautifully in the car after yoga. I breathed and let go of anger when the driver in front of me decided that drizzling rain warranted going the land speed of a banana slug. I breathed while the people in my neighborhood expressed their life's frustrations by crossing the street, regardless of traffic, at the pace of their choosing, right in front of my car. And I breathed all the way into Five Guys Bugers 'n' Fries, and thoroughly enjoyed it.